One of the Rumors About Me

Hey, do you know how rumors start?  Well?  It isn’t a full-blown rumor until many people are repeating it.  So, of course, it has to be said many times, preferably by as many people as possible.  And then it's just a rumor.  It doesn't mean it's true, does it?
...Well, yes, you can see that rumor is true.
After you get shot, dismembered and burned, poisoned, thrown into deep space and other such deadly delights, people start talking about how hard you are to kill.
The pathetic thing is that, were I an ordinary being, I would have been dead about… hmmm.
Um, nevermind, we’re not going to talk about that.
Anyway, the point is there are people who want to kill me all the time, every day.  And since they are better at killing than I am at not being killed, I like to hide.
So I just need to stay right here until my leg reattaches.  It won’t take long, I promise.
No, don’t tell your mother!  Look, here, I have a Tessami body-singer!  Yes, they’re very expensive.  I’ll let you hold it – it will sing a song based uniquely on your body composition, you know.  Yes, even the shape of your brain.  Yes, that too.  Look kid, you want to hold it or not?
There you go.
Sigh.